Birth…day

Other blog post drafts will have to take a back seat to this one as today marks a very important day for our little man.  I don’t like to write, revise, and post on the same day, but I have a lot of feels today.

This past weekend, we had a sweet farm party to celebrate with some of our family and friends.

TODAY I CHOOSE JOY—

—though I feel somewhat sad, like a piece of me is missing, a desire to want to know more, but nothing more at the same time.

Today marks a birth story that I can not recall.  There is no documentation to tell of the joy or pain his birth mother felt.  I don’t know if birth mother had complications during delivery, a natural or caesarean.  I don’t know if he was jaundice, breastfed after delivery, or held skin-to-skin.  I don’t know how often he woke up to eat, if he took a pacifier, or if he had to/was able to soothe himself.  I don’t know what outfit he came home in, or where he went home to.  I don’t even know who was there when he arrived, or if his biological father laid eyes on him around this special day.  We don’t know what foods were introduced or when; although, we have a hunch that the variety in his diet was very limited.

I wonder what she is thinking about today.  I wonder if she is sad or angry.  How is she coping with his loss?  Is she celebrating and relieved today?   Does she have memories of his other birthdays?  Does bio dad even know it is today?  We don’t know how his 1st and 2nd were celebrated.  His 3rd and 4th was with foster family #1 and 5th was with foster family #2.

So, this past weekend and today we establish our new birth…day traditions.  He learned from big brothers that he gets to choose dinner on his real birthday and that Menchie’s  is not out of the question.